Montana Fem-i-nine

This is for ALL hard-working women that have to endure calving season, haying season, long winters, hauling wood, feeding hay, hunting seasons, raising children, and all the while finding a pretty dress to wear!

Growing up in rural Montana on a guest ranch does not make for raising dainty, soft-spoken, feminine women.  Especially when the girls are the oldest siblings in the bunch, with no boys around to help shoulder the load, literally.  I have been told more than once by the less intelligent species, men, that “Boy, you have big shoulders for a girl!”  Somebody get this Sherlock Holmes a prize!  More often than not, at full maturity, you look like you belong on the football team, not the cheerleading squad. I got these shoulders by carrying hay bales, hauling firewood, and other feminine chores.  Now, I don’t have a problem with such things.  It truly is a necessity to have these skills for the western lifestyle.  But just once, I wonder what a day at the spa might feel like?  Nothing screams femininity like your father or husband saying, “Here Honey. Time you learned to run a chainsaw! You never know when you might have to use it!”  Frequently, as moms, we are seen at the bus stop on snowy mornings with a Carhartt jacket nicely matched with our flannel pajama bottoms, and Muck boots. The vehicles, no, make that trucks we drive, are equipped with snow shovels, tire chains, snow plows, and a .22 caliber rifle. Just in case you get stuck, need to shovel or plow your way out, can’t, and have to walk 10 miles back to the ranch. On your way, keep your eyes out for that pesky coyote that’s been harassing the chickens! Here is a glimpse at the everyday norm for women that grow up cowboy…

*Changing irrigation pipes…How else are you going to work on your tan?
*Driving tractors…Men at least are outside directing you on how they would like the job done. Sweet things.
*Bucking hay bales…Everything always needs fed. Kids, chickens, horses, mules, cows, dogs, men…
*Hauling firewood…Wood heat is cheapest! Get to stacking lady!
*Changing flat tires on the horse trailer…Two of them at a time. We could rival a Nascar pit crew!
*Shoveling crap…This is done inside your house, the barn, and at the post office! Becomes second nature…
*Fixing fencelines…Don’t forget your leather gloves. Those cuts sting in the dishwater later.
*Doctoring stock…Have needle & penicillin, will travel. Don’t forget the Furacin, iodine, charcoal dust, &  rope.
*Driving trucks & trailers…70% of the vehicles you pass here are just that and driven by a fem-i-nine!
*Big game hunting…Women hunt too! Usually we are better shots!

But don’t be fooled by my words. I like to look like a lady, soft and sweet. But my lifestyle doesn’t always allow such niceties.  At the end of the day, I am always proud of a job well done, the hard work it took, and I don’t plan on changing! I’ll take playing cowboy any day over the fancy spas and shopping malls!

Montana Cowgirls by Heather

All the pretty Hollywood ladies
With lacy dresses, high heels, and such
To painted toes and manicured nails
Fancy sunglasses and matching leather clutch.

Beauty salons and shopping malls
Can’t hold a candle to this
Because a true Montana cowgirl
Has no use for such bliss.

Have you ever seen a high maintenance cowgirl?
No, and you probably never will.
She has stalls to muck and hay to haul
And cows to bring down from the hill.

She won’t ever grace the cover of Vogue
She’s best dressed in her boots and jeans
Long-sleeved, cowboy hat and tuff ragged
Is how she will usually be seen.

Guaranteed she can outshoot ya
She can cuss, pray, and love
She knows what’s most important
That’s grace from the good Lord above.

So don’t mess with this Montana feminine
Cause she is always tough to catch
Don’t tell her she won’t or can’t
You might just meet your match!

4 thoughts on “Montana Fem-i-nine

  1. I love the irrigation pipe! I can totally relate! Come around March gals here in town ask, “where do you go tan at, it must be a new type of tan booth to have a tan that dark.” I then show them my tan lines, if I wear shorts pull up my shorts a bit and tell them “go irrigate, but you couldln't stand the heat in the real sun!” LOL!!!!!


  2. Oh how I love your truth in humor Heather. I earned the nick name 'Quick Clips” from my fencing techinque and “Deadeye Dickless” for shooting,,,, both given to me by my Amigo's back in the day.

    Write on darlin, write on!


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