To Travel with Horse or Husband?

As I was attempting to slow my horse down for the umpteenth time on a trail ride the other day, and he continued to give me attitude about waiting for the others, it dawned on me, riding this horse is much like traveling in the car with my husband.  Now I know you horsepeople will scoff and say there are ways to work a horse out of these bad habits, but what do you do about a man? My horse has two speeds, fast and faster. So does my spouse.  It starts with mounting up. Twist, my horse, is 10 steps ahead of me and I have barely stabbed the stirrup leaving me hung out to dry halfway over my saddle.  My husband also does this.  He pulls out of the garage before I am even in the car.  God forbid I forgot something in the house!  Once out on the trail or in the car, Heather shall not suggest the direction we go.  Apparently neither species of male need any help in THAT department! It is also imperative that we travel at high speeds with no stopping for a bathroom break or to check on anyone in the backseat or behind us.  They both give me looks like “why didn’t you go before we left?!”  On the rare occasion we do stop, I believe both horse and husband clench their jaws and chomp at the bit, literally. (It takes great restraint but I resist the urge to bean either one over the head!) High speeds continue throughout the travels, and if we are behind anyone, tailgating prevails. My horse blows and snorts (his form of cussing) and my husband constantly looks for the next spot to pass, swerving left and blaming the dumb female driver in front of him! I also feel my horse is opposed to women drivers!  If I do suggest the direction we go, there is a lot of pouting, huffing, and sighing much like a two year old being told no.  The best direction to both horse and husband is home, and we can’t get there fast enough.  Finally, upon arrival, we skid in sideways, windblown, leaving me wondering if all that attitude was necessary?  I sure wouldn’t have called it fun!  Apparently I was just along for the ride.

One thought on “To Travel with Horse or Husband?

  1. Thank you for the laugh! This sounds like my mare and my ex husband! Both are/were always in a hurry! The mare thinks just because she is the bigshot in the pasture she has to be the bigshot on the trail! the ex, and probably why he is the ex, was always in a hurry too.


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